Thursday, 15 March 2012

I had a homebirth, what's it to you?

One down side to being a mum is the competition. Mums like to push their way of doing things as the right/best way and any other way is wrong!
I was recently reminded of this while reading an opinion based piece, on a large female focused website, entitled, "Is hating hospitals a reason to give birth at home?"
The piece it self was really just fluff taking a shot at Danni Minogue for wanting a home birth and didn't raise anything new. Then I read the comments, seriously- I did-  silly, I know!

The comment section of so many sites is a place of ego stroking. The place that many go to make their parenting choice the best choice. The place they go to bash other people's choices.
In this instance, the comments included such things as;
  • If you have a home birth you are stupid/selfish/a bad mother/don't care about the baby/a child abuser
  • That your birth experience is unimportant, that it is all over in a short time and should be all about the baby anyway
  • That, if you are a nurse/midwife, willing to state that you have seen the problems caused by hospital intervention but have never seen a problem with a home birth, you must be a liar.
  • That being defined by your birth choice is idiotic
  • In short, if your choice is not with the mainstream and everyone else, you made a  big, fat, wrong decision.
At first I was so, so mad, livid, eyeball poppingly FURIOUS!

  • How DARE you insinuate that I am less intelligent because I birthed at home
  • How DARE you accuse me of being a bad mother
  • How DARE you assume knowledge of EVERY other women's hospital experience
  • How DARE you try to remove a legitimate birthing choice for women
Then, after a few days cooling off, I realised how sad the situation really is.
These people, who have logged on, left their comment extolling their choice as the best, safest and only sane choice. Then they log off and go about their day, feeling all superior knowing that they are SO much better then those silly home birth supporters. Knowing that their comment will cause anger and upset and being happy because it will show 'those' women to be crazy, just like they said they are.

  • I call you out.
  • I call you ill informed.
  • I call you gullible to what you read in the media.
  • I call you insecure in your choices.
  • I call you closed minded.
  • I call you judgmental for no good reason.
  • I call you out on being snarky at women that allow their birth choice to define them, because you just used birth choices to define women. Women you don't know, or care about or are likely to bother ever knowing.

I had two of my three births at home, they are all healthy and I love them dearly.
I am different to you judgemental anti home birthers because, while I may not approve of your birth choice, I will support it.
I will trust that MOST women will make the best choice for them and their family.

I support and fight for your choice to birth the way you wish.
Will you support mine?


Rhianna @ A Parenting Life said...

I love it when you are evoked to write.  It is always so passionately and beautifully put.  I certainly will support yours.  In fact I deeply admire the courage and faith in ones body to birth at home.  I think there needs to be more emphasis and support for what mothers want, which ever side of the fence that may be.

Nicole Harry said...

 Thanks Rhianna, I had been sitting on this for a while. I tend not to bother sticking my neck out because I am secure in my birthing/parenting choices. But I was pretty mad! I had to edit out a lot of swearing!

Deb_BrightandPrecious said...

Good on you for speaking out. There has to be another voice out there to bring some reality and truth. I had a home birth and it was an amazing experience. It wasn't about me though - I made the decision because I thought it would be the best thing for my baby. I'm so glad he had a gentle naural birth surrounded by the love of his family, in his own home.

Nicole Harry said...

 Thank you Deb, I am not shy in telling people that I have had a homebirth and no one has ever had a negative thing to say, the complete opposite in face. Yet online people say such nasty things. I wonder if they forget that they are talking about real people.

jameswillow said...

 nice blog

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